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Bryce had recorded a drum machine through heavy distortion in the late 90s and kept it around on a cassette tape for a long time. Max added guitars and John and Robert recorded a conversation about the nutritional value of junk food.

lyrics

So Robert
Tell me about that packet that you’re holding there

Yes yes
The packet
Sweets packet
What’s yours?

Well mine was
Salt and vinegar flavour maize and potato snacks
I’ve got bubblegum flavoured sweets
Oh that’s cool

So can you tell me what’s the
What’s the nutritional value of these
What’s the sort of energy value per hundred grams

Per hundred grams
The energy I have here is
One five seven two KJ
KJ?
KJ yes
One five seven two
Mine’s two oh nine two
You’ve won that one

That’s per one hundred grams obviously
Yeah
Per pack it would be
Four one nine KJ

Um mine is actually per half a pack
For some reason
It’s four eleven
That’s really weird
I’m guessing per pack
It’s going to be eight two two or so
That’s strange
Doesn’t really make sense
Does it
It doesn’t really

What have you got for um
Carbohydrate
Carbohydrate I’ve got
Fifty nine point three grams
Crikey
I’ve got eighty seven point nine
Blimey
Uh grams
Is that per one hundred grams
Or is that per pack
That’s per the hundred
Yes

Oh okay
So we’re actually looking at
More carbohydrates here
Okay
How about fibre
Fats
Of which saturates
Or
I mean
All it says is less than
Naught point five grams

Oh mine just says
Three point one grams
It doesn’t really give you any options
Right
It’s just fibre
We’re actually looking at more fat in yours
In yours then
Aren’t we

I think we probably are yeah
You’ve won that one
Okay
Jolly good
Salt content
Salt content one point eight grams
Naught point eight
One point eight
One point eight
Crikey
I’ve only got naught point naught nine
Oh wow
Oh I just seem to keep winning
Don’t I

What I’m thinking is
This one here is actually probably
Slightly better for you
Yeah I think so
I think this one’s
Yeah definitely ah
It could be quite dodgy if you ate too much of it really

Do you have any artificial colours
Or flavourings
Um
Let me have a look
Let me see
Ah
There’s some citric acid in this
Citric acid
Really
Yeah
I’ve got glucose fructose syrup whatever
Oh yes
I’ve got citric acid

credits

from Physical Trauma to Wash Your Waffles, released November 16, 2016
Robert: Vocals
John: Vocals
Max: Guitars
Bryce: Bass & drum machine
Ryanna: Intro guitars

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Croydon Tourist Office image

Croydon Tourist Office England, UK

Croydon Tourist Office came together from a series of music writing and production workshops at Epicentre Book Cafe in Paignton, England.

The line up varies based on who is at the session or the gig, but the core members are Robert Garnham, Bryce Dumont, John Samuel, and Max Coulson. ... more

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